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Month: August 2019

August 18, 2019August 18, 2019 Ellen Orr

Dear Brother,

Instagram: @ellenorr

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This girl felt so much shame. She was so ashamed of her hunger that she wouldn’t even say the words “food” or “belly” (ever). She couldn’t have needs—not for sustenance, love, protection, prioritization. She felt so inherently wrong, almost on a cellular level. . And she still feels like that sometimes. Fortunately, she’s got me now, and I’m pretty great at being a grownup for the kids in my life. I feed her and love on her and protect her and put her first. . I can’t go back twenty years and fix things for her, but I can meet her where she is, affirm her, and let her experience an alternative to shame. I can teach her that she can afford to have needs and is worthy of having those needs met. . And hopefully she heals.
12 hours of celebrating @huehuehui, secret-adventure style: hippie church, boozy brunch, Come From Away, tequila and ceviche, piña coladas at Lula Lounge (tradition), Toronto Lights Festival, more tequila. 🥳 Happy 22nd birthday to the best friend, soulmate, and dog aunt/godmother I could ever dream of. I don’t deserve you. 💖
If I were to locate the sadness I’m feeling these days, I wouldn’t look to my heart, or gut, or brain; all of those places feel too accessible, too near the surface. I can put words to the sadnesses that live in those places. But this sadness is, like, in my bone marrow. I don’t have images or words for it. It’s so deep . . . Anyway, here’s a cute photo of my dog. 🐶

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